First, Jeff and I learned more about the medical field than we ever cared to.  We actually got to be friends with the doctors and nurses.  Many of our days were spent either at the doctor's offices or in the hospitals.  This kind of lifestyle became our norm.  Although we cried and cringed with every poke and pinch Ava had to endure, for the most part she took everything in stride since she was too young to know any better.  Even though Ava's liver disease made up a huge part of who she was, I'm going leave it up to you to imagine all that she went through. For now, I'd just like to tell you some of my favorite memories of our Baby Ava.
 
One of my favorite memories of Ava was kissing those fat chubby cheeks of hers.  I can remember when I was pregnant and during one of the ultrasounds Doctor Seeker said she looks like she's got some chubby cheeks and she sure did.  I couldn't get enough of her soft, sweet smell when I would kiss those cheeks.  She would just giggle when I would kiss them.

Ava loved to be read to.  When we would be in the hospital I would put her on my lap and I would hold this big book that had nursery rhymes in it, I believe Grandma Kaluza brought it with her to give to Ava during our last stay.  I would spend lots of time snuggling and reading to her.  She especially loved "Do Your Ears Hang Low ..." I would be silly and sang it to her.

One of my favorite memories was Ava also loved her baths.  Even though she never got to spend lots of time in the bathtub, her last bath was in the big bathtub in a ring and she just loved it.  I would squeeze the sponge over her head and she would stick her tongue out trying to get the last drop in her mouth.  I know if she would have gotten the chance to splash and play she would have definitely made one huge bath puddle.  She didn't even cry during her first bath when she was so little.

Ava loved to dance.  Jeff would hold her up where she would be on her feet and she had such a strong stance that she would bounce and bop to any kind of music or us just singing to her.  I think she would have been my little dancer.

Another favorite memory was that Ava didn't like her feet to be touched.  I guess as many times as she was poked by needles she got to the point that whenever anyone would touch her feet she thought she was going to be poked.  The first time we knew she didn't like her feet to be touched was when we were in the hospital after her Kasai surgery, Meg Land came to visit her in the hospital and she touched her feet and she didn't like it, she would squirm and get this funny expression on her face and would move her feet.  Also, I would never really put socks on her feet, she liked to be barefooted.  Only on special occasions, she would wear shoes.

I can remember when Grandma would play hide-in-seek with her, she thought it was so funny that she would laugh and giggle and she wanted to play more and more.

One of Ava's odd little things was that she was a very good sleeper from the day she was born to the end.  Even though she was a very sick little baby and all she ever knew was to feel sick she felt comfort in sleeping.  When we brought her home after her two surgeries, I would have to wake up in the middle of the night to check on her and to wake her up to feed her.  Which is very odd since Nicholas was up almost every 2-3 hours his first three months. 

My most favorite memory of Ava was when Nicholas and Ava would play together on the floor.  She loved to be around her big brother and watch him play with his toys.

I don't know if this is a good memory or not but when we were in the hospital, she would get many visitors from nurses to friends and every time there was someone new she would look the other way kinda like she didn't want to be touched anymore.  All of the nurses in the hospital thought it was so funny because she showed a little attitude.  I just had to laugh because it was Ava's way of telling them to leave her alone and that she didn't wanted to be touched anymore.  One doctor in particular, Dr. Redel, which Mommie like allot would come up to her on purpose and want Ava to smile at her.  Ava did finally smile at Dr. Redel for the last time when she was having one of her good days.

Another memory of Ava was once she found her thumb she gave up the paci.  I guess she thought no one can take her thumb away from her so she got attached to it.  Every time she had to get a line put in, we would always say to save her right thumb because this is her lovey.  And if you tried to take it out of her mouth, she would get so mad.  Her thumb was really the only thing that she liked putting in her mouth.  Ava never really liked to eat.  From day one she was always a very finicky eater.  We tried everything, from different formulas to different sugary sweets, she never had an appetite.  Oh my, only if I was like her.

Another of Ava's favorite comfort things was this vibrating teether, I believe that Carol her cousin gave it to her.  I would make sure to pack it every time we were in the hospital. She liked when she would bite down on it and it would vibrate and make this noise.  This was the other thing that she didn't mind in her mouth.

When Ava was real little, she had these ears that would stick out.  Daddy would tape them down because he didn't want her to have to grow up with these big ears that stood out.  Everyone would laugh because we taped her ears down.  But once she got a little older, I think she grew into them.  hee hee.  I remember interviewing Kady, her nanny and we had tape on her ears and Kady thought that was so funny and said thank goodness she's a girl and that she can grow her hair out long to cover them.

After we spent so much time in the hospital, Ava started liking balloons.  When I got her first balloon, we went cruising around the hospital and I bought her first balloon at the gift shop and tied it to the stroller.  She would just look at it and want to play with it all the time.  She also liked watching Baby Bach videos, being in the hospital we would watch videos together and I'm sure when Daddy was with her they probably watched lots of sports.  I would take her out on stroller rides in the afternoon when the hospital staff would be getting off around the 5:00 hour and Ava and I would sit on this one bench and basically people watch.  We got to the point that certain people would say hi to us and say so you here again today.  She was known as the transplant baby with the big chubby cheeks.  If I didn't have her in her stroller than I would carrier her in the Bjorn carrier and push the medicine tree beside us.  We got to be friends with lots of people in the hospital staff.  They would always say her gift will come soon and they would pray for us.

I have many many more wonderful memories of Ava......These are just some of my very favorites.


We miss our Baby Ava more than you can imagine. I think my toughest times are in the evenings after I got home from work we would be together as a family, and like I said above, when Nicholas and Ava were playing on the floor together.  At around 2:00 am each morning I still wake up thinking how much I miss my baby girl.  The first week after she was gone, I would wake up and go in her room to check on her.  I've been told this will get easier in time.  I have to keep telling myself that she is now in no more pain and suffering.  And that she is having fun and playing with others in Heaven like I originally wanted her to have here with me.